I have the head knowledge but the trickle down is stopped up by a huge a dam known as Bad Mood. I know I am supposed to be kind, patient and ever-forgiving. But the words coming out of my mouth could snap a Redwood in half. I have a boiling stew in the pit of my stomach and the word vomit can’t be stopped. How is it I can tell myself over and over again “don’t say that” “don’t say that” yet end up saying something ten times more hurtful. I might be possessed. You would have to ask my husband or my mother if my head spins around at an unnatural angle. I don’t want to know their answer.
How is it that my emotions and my moods can overpower my intelligence and desire to be full of grace. How is it that the devil wins when I belong to Him. If I were to enumerate an “I Struggle” list, controlling my words would probably take the number one spot.
I find myself in a spiritual conundrum that Paul validated in his own life when he said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” So, this is my out right? Even Paul struggled! I have grace, whew, I guess I’ll keep rolling my eyes and spitting out words of fire. NO. There’s more.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
My words are reflecting anger and, ironically, I would never consider myself an angry person. What is in my heart that is debuting itself through my mouth? Who do I want to please: myself and my selfish desires to be right or my saving Father. Of course, that’s an easy answer but next time when the background music to Scream starts playing in my head will I chose to murder with words or pray for the Holy Spirit to infiltrate my very being? Because that’s the only way my mouth will be held in check. I pray that I slow down my reactions and my tongue long enough to realize that I am rebelling against the One I love most.
What’s on top of your “I Struggle” list and what scripture helped you see the light?